Real growth is when you start checking and correcting yourself instead of blaming others, you take your power back by being responsible for your life. – Anonymous
I grew up in a society where everyone else is to be blamed for the errors of other people. I was not exempted from this abnormal behaviour. Not until I began to mature did I realise that I am mostly responsible for the outcome of my life and no one else.
Mothers did not help in this blame game either. I remember sometime ago, I watched a toddler who was just learning to walk run to his mother. He hit his foot against a stone, fell and began to cry. I watched amusingly as the mother picked up a stick to hit the stone as if it were the cause of the fall. The toddler was appeased and stopped crying. In this simple illustration, the mother failed to point out to that little toddler that he fell firstly because he was not careful enough and that it was also expected to fall once in a while until he is fully able to walk well. She chose rather to blame the “poor” little stone.
When a student fails an examination the teacher is often blamed for his failure. Often times the only one at fault in matrimonial challenges is the other spouse. In my country where so many things are wrong the only person to blame is the government whose name may be Mr President, My Governor, Mrs. Senator or one semi-illiterate who was carelessly elected into the House of Representative or became a local government councillor. We often forget that all these people were helped into power by the “saints” of the same society.
It is obvious that nothing changes until you begin to accept the responsibility of changing yourself. No one has the power to change any other person. You may try but changes only happened because the other party agreed to change. So to have good governance, you must change the way you vote.
Today most marriages fail because of the illusion that the other party will change once the marriage is consummated and so when the expected refuses to happen, things fall apart. So to enjoy marital bliss, stop pointing accusing fingers at your spouse. Change yourself and watch him or her change.
The summary of this write up is change begins with you. You can change yourself, change the things you don’t want, change the places you go to, change the friends you have, change your habit and cultivate positive habits, change the way you vote, change the things you say, change your life style, change your response to situations. But by no means must you imagine that you have the capacity to change others.
Agreed, it is possible to have people change in response to your action or inaction. Both are always variables that when properly used can ignite a positive social change in the community, family or other forms of relationships. However, the responsibility of change still rest on the individual. It is therefore important for you to Identify areas where you want to see change and make conscious efforts to.
What you don’t want, you do not watch. Rather you take steps to alter the course you do not want or variables that are within your own capacity to change. For example you cannot change your haters but you can change the way you respond to them. A few areas to start may include:
- Wake up early
- Have a vision. Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving. Vision propels you.
- Plan your time
- Read, study, meditate
- Fellowship with people of the same faith
- Be kind and not judgmental
- Maintain a diet, cut down junk foods. Eat healthy
- Be productive. By all means work. Engage your mind and your hands
- Exercise. Workout,
- Be contented
- Be deliberate in your choices
- Laugh some more
- Relax some more
- Live your size per time
- Invest in yourself
- Save for raining days
- Give back to others
- Be true to yourself, speak out when you are hurt
- Celebrate small wins, allow yourself to be happy
- Avoid too much negative news. Do not kill yourself over what you cannot change
- Cultivate positive relationships among friends and family.
- Explore new places. Go on vacation from time to time. Go see the world.