All posts by denikyjay

My name is Adenike Babajamu. I am an organisational transformation expert and a content creator. I am passionate about human capital development. My focus in life is to help humanity see the light that shines at the end of every dark tunnel. I believe that everything is possible to him that believes it is. I am also assured that starting small in life is God’s divine nature but remaining small is an aberration and definitely not in line with God’s Plan for mankind. I am God-centric, a lover of God who makes Him the centre of everything.


He crowns the year with His goodness and His paths drop fatness (Psalm 65:11)

Doing the same things the same way almost always yield the same result. Folks, year 2022 is creeping, I mean running gradually out and here we all are. It is time to begin to take stock and take a peep into year 2023. I like the popular saying; it’s not over until it is or until you win. but sometimes it is not over until we REFOCUS, change the direction of our gaze, deemphasize our emphasis and readjust our binoculars on something different. To me this has remained my end of year password for years now.

Remember we entered the year with quite a huge list of expectations and many of us had documented Personal Development Plans (PDPS). Read about PDPs here ;

It is easy to tick and smile at the things we have been opportune to achieve from our list but what happened to those that just stood firm like mount Everest and Kilimanjaro and refused to shift base? They just won’t bulge in spite of several strategies, calculation and consultations. We even went spiritual; fasting, praying and binding and the mountain still says “I am still here o”

So what next? The password is REFOCUS; shift your gaze on something different, divert your energy elsewhere. For once let yourself go, live in the euphoria of the season. Remember, hope is for the living and no mountain is bigger than a man with hope. Indeed a living dog is better than a dead lion. (Ecclesiastes 9:4). Undermine the mountain, common(ize) it and make it feel insignificant. Guys, it’s time to shift focus. Haba e don do self! Let’s change focus in these last weeks of the year as they roll by.

Join me in this crazy excitement of living the times and not being stereotyped by this achievement mentality. Guys I’m shifting focus. I am so so excited. it’s almost contagious. My best season is here at last and that is just enough for me.

You want to join me? Well this is it? Lined up annually are activities that help me refocus, change my priorities and prepare me for the following year. I am sure you will find similar activities around your environment irrespective of where you are on the globe. And guess what? In the midst of these activities in the past, my miracles often happen the mountains just began to shift unnoticed and indeed God crowns the year with His goodness and bountiful harvests as I focus on Him in appreciation and adoration for still being here on planet earth. He didn’t bring us here this far to abandon us.
So guys set your calendar, roll out your dancing shoes, give yourself a break, take that vacation, let’s celebrate our victory of life over death, triumph over defeat, safety in the midst of chaos, safety on our roads, healings and the many deliverances from several insecurity challenges of our continent. Yes maybe we indeed lost a few things and very precious people, or some dreams were thwarted and roads shut I’d say like my mentor, God is the reason why everything is not lost and something is still remaining.

To God alone be all the glory forever and ever and ever.

PS: Below are a few of the annual activities that occupies me and gets me prepared for the new year. Be my guests or look for similar ones around you but by all means dont be caught sulking.

Welcome to your most beautiful end of the year experience

Of the Hills and Valleys

I am sure we have heard it said that the race of life is not a sprint but a marathon with bends and turns. Sometimes it is smooth and at others not so smooth. Sometimes it rains and at other times it trickles. In our selfishness and inconsiderate attitude, a little challenge here or there often throws us overboard but nonetheless it doesn’t change the fact that God remains constant.

I find Ebunoluwa submission on her page a summary of what our attitude should be in this month. Afterall, God has not brought us this far from January to abandon us in November.

Read except from her story below:

“I woke up to a rejection mail yesterday. I found this rejection particularly hurtful because I had expended time and already began training for the project. In that downtime, it felt like the sum total of all the good in October waned in comparison to this one rejection.

However, God stopped me right in my tracks and I soon realized how immensely ungrateful I’d be, in such state, failing to see God’s faithfulness despite the rejection. Often times, we find it easy to recount and dwell on our disappointments and expectations that didn’t materialize. At those times, we equally forget that the same God is the God of both the hills and valleys. God is no less greater in my failures than He is in my wins.

So today, I set out with a grateful heart and confidence in the God who works all things together for good according to His purpose. And, I took a picture as well to serve as a memorial and reference for when my big break finally comes through.”

How I changed my lifestyle to change my life.

I have read so much weight loss stories and never thought I would be writing one.
Many of those stories are best imagined than real. I had also tried several strategies to reduce my almost 100kg (220 lb)weight. I had tried fasting, diets, herbal teas, Gym etc. Some actually worked but within a couple of months I was back to my old weight and sometimes would have gained additional kgs.

Of course I was not always “fat” even though I felt fat all my life. Now when I look at my pre-wedding pictures I realized that my weight problem also had to do with my mindset. It became worse after I had my first child. I had different sizes of clothes in my wardrobe; some for when I lost weight and some when I gained weight. There are some clothes that I could only wear in February after the 21 days annual fasting of my church. How funny?

So I grew up battling weight problem. In my time it was difficult to get those cute dresses that would fit my size. So shopping for readymade designs was quite frustrating. Comments like “we don’t have this in your size” or “Please try the Plus corner of the mall” were common. Sometimes, I ended up with maternity gowns (smiles). This however is not the gist today.

This is my story.

Between the Covid 19 year and 2021 something happened that triggered a need to change my life style. I call it the Covid 19 year because that was the year I experienced the greatest morbidity and inactivity. Work from home became a norm and my life generally became sedentary. I realized I was frequenting the hospital for funny ailments like neck pain, headaches, instability in blood pressure etc. All the tests I ran said all was well except for high level cholesterol. I was placed on Atorvastatin for 3 months. I hated drugs even though the doctor said it was harmless. For me the only harmless thing was food. A week into the treatment, I returned to the hospital with complaints about side effects of the drug. My Doctor (God bless him) said I had no choice unless I was ready to begin rigorous exercise to lose the bad level cholesterol in my system.

I left the hospital sad but determined to do something about the excess fat that was threatening my life. So I continued with the treatment but also began a process to change my lifestyle. I realized that losing weight and controlling what I ate was no longer an option. It’s either that or a life of statins and other regulators. So I sat down and advised my body and spirit.

Prior to this time I ate all I desired to eat and (I am ashamed to admit) in large portions. I like….. No! I loved fries like a young girl would love her crush. So if it was fried plantain, fried yam (Yorubas call it dundu) akara, samosa, French fries, pizza, all kinds of pastries, potato chips, I was in. Anything fried or baked just appealed to me. I had no portion control. I also loved chocolates, ice creams, candies and the likes.

Please note that I am neither a dietician nor a nutritionist and I really don’t know much about the theories but I know that the only way to get fat and have excess calories is firstly by what we eat, how we eat it and when we eat it. That is the honest truth from my personal experience. Almost everyone battling with weight problem who is sincere will agree that he or she also has a food problem.

After my visit to the doctor and his verdict, I examined my life style and took the following decisions.

  1. Reduce fries to the barest minimum (I didn’t take any fries in the first three months of this decision)
  2. Consistent work-out. I do a minimum of 3-4 km daily except Saturdays and Sundays. I volunteer to clean in my church on Saturdays and that also burn out some calories.
  3. Opted for non-cholesterol oil to make my stew using very little quantity. As a typical Yoruba woman that like to see plenty oil in her stew, I reduced the quantity of cooking oil to about 20% of what I previously used. Today, you will never see oil on my stew and the truth is the stew is still sweet.
  4. No more late night meals (I try to eat my last meal between 5-6pm with very few exceptions on fasting days)
  5. Invested in air fryer and air-fried my fish, plantain and chicken instead of deep oil frying.
  6. Replaced fried plantain and potatoes with boiled plantain and potatoes
  7. Eliminated red meats (only very rarely but none in the first 3 months)
  8. Reduce carbohydrate (Less of rice, bread, yam)
  9. Reduce portion of food and substitute with more water
  10. Increase fruit intake
  11. Increase vegetable intake
  12. Avoid pastries (only take occasionally, like once in two or three weeks but in small portion)
  13. Because I like sweet things, I avoid food that needs sugar like oats, cornflakes etc. I replaced them with my green tea, natural fruits.
  14. Eliminated dairy products like milk, eggs, butter and only take once in a very long while
  15. For my tea, I opted for green tea and would squeeze into it fresh oranges to sweeten it. It tastes good once its served hot.
  16. Made my juice naturally
  17. For snacks (I love snacking in between meals) I introduced fruits and peanuts. Rather than buy processed bottled or packaged groundnut, I buy the unpeeled roasted or boiled one and the process of peeling as I eat soon reduced my appetite and the quantity I consumed.
  18. I reduced my salt intake. Now I cook my white rice without salt and even yam. I never knew I could, but guys it’s actually sweet once your sauce is well seasoned.
  19. I also read labels to check the composition of what I eat.
  20. I use more of the stairs and do enjoy activity that involves walking

All of these and many more that I cannot remember now soon became a lifestyle. I have done them consistently for about a year and now I am so used to them. Today, when I try to do otherwise like eat too much of sweet things or pastries I do not only feel uncomfortable but also feel sick. I have waited to go a whole year before sharing this experience and I am indeed happy to do so especially having being encouraged by my daughter who I now wear the same size with.

It is also important to mention that I am not obliged not to eat anything. So I try not to tell people to abstain completely from any particular food. Rather portion control and moderation is the key. Also exercise is not negotiable. Walking out should be a daily routine. No matter how busy you are, you must create time and be consistent no matter how little. It’s not enough to do 20 km in a day and nothing until another two weeks.

For people who work late as I used to and sometimes do, you must make conscious effort to have an early dinner. Most often the late food do not digest and remain in our belly and are later converted to belly fats. You must therefore change your lifestyle of late meals.

The good thing about changing your lifestyle to change your life is that it is not a quick fix. You don’t just drop the weight in a month. It is a consistent and gradual process. My greatest motivation was myself, my health and the fact that I do not want to live a life of daily drugs intake when there is an option.

Now what are the outcome of my decision.

  1. I lost 13kg in the first 3 months. The exciting thing about this is that I didn’t even know I was losing weight in the process until I noticed that I didn’t fit into my clothes again and was being asked by people if I was Ok. There was no pressure of deprivation that I used to feel in past weight loss exercises.
  2. I felt lighter. I could stoop without getting tired. I could walk up the stairs without breathing heavily.
  3. My health improved tremendously; my blood pressure became stable without regulation, all the earlier discomforts and ailments left on their own. I didn’t even know when they did.
  4. I ended up not completing the statin tabs and do not need them or any other medication anymore.
  5. I sleep better. No more turns and frequent waking up at night.

The gradual weight loss ensures proportional weight loss across your body mass. Every part in your body adjust well. When I started, I was on a UK size 18-20. Today I wear 14-16. I even wear my daughter’s dress. I recalled how I took a picture and sent it to her and she screamed “Mummy where are your thighs?”It was that dramatic.

Am I there? No not yet but I thank God for the grace released to me to get to where I am. I never in my wildest imagination thought this was possible. I have had people stop me on the way to ask what happened to me? I have had comments like “you look good but this weight loss is too much”. Well guys that’s the new me. I am not sick. I only changed my lifestyle to change my life from going down.

Final Notes

Reading through this one would think it was so easy. But not so. Changing your life styles involves great discipline, your ability to say No to wrong desires, and be consistent in your approach. It is not a one year treat. It is a lifelong journey. So even when you fail, you must learn to get up and go again. Gradually you are bound to lose the wrong appetites and a reversal of desires become the norm.

Were there challenges?

Yes there were many challenges:
There were days I was really tempted to eat some pastries, fried meat. They just look so appealing sometimes. But I kept reminding myself of the consequences.

There were mornings I feel reluctant and lazy for a work-out but somehow I knew I had to keep going. I cannot return to where I was coming from. I must never go back to a size 20.

There were nights that I would really love to eat late and would actually go to the fridge like many people do but would opt for water and go to sleep.
There were days I look at the clothes in my wardrobe and can’t find a fitting one to wear. I have had to pack them in bags to my tailor to adjust. So the truth is I need money for a complete makeover or change of wardrobe at least.
There are also lots of explanations to friends and family who cannot understand why you must drop some excess weight. I hope now they know.

Did I ever fail?

Yes there were days I failed and would sneak in a snicker or another chocolate bar or a large portion of cake. I would console myself that once in a while was not bad. But sometimes once in a while goes into twice or more and then I begin to feel guilty as if I was caught stealing. But I always bring myself back to the prize and that prize is healthy living.

Somehow I wish I had done this earlier in life. It would have afforded me the opportunity to wear those lovely dresses that I saw on some of my very slim friends. For someone however, it is never too late to live healthy. Maybe someday soon I will share my experience with an expert for improvement and also help people who are battling with the weight challenge.

My final word is that I find out from this experience that there is no quick fix rule to weight loss. I also discovered; that you are fat does not automatically mean you are unhealthy as long as you watch what you eat. Similarly that you are slim does not automatically equals low cholesterol. You need to do a test as you may be slim and yet have the wrong cholesterol composition.

Don’t be like me who once thought the only harmless thing was food whereas some of the food we eat are poisons. Be wiser take a step. Change your life style, change your life.

Thank You, Faith Iyinoluwa for encouraging me to do this. I hope it helps someone.

PS: I have chosen not share personal pictures because I am a private person but those who know me have my testimony.


This is not just a rhyme but this September has indeed been a September to remember. A season I will not forget in a while. So it is with nostalgia that I bid September 2022 goodbye. Adieu to a great month.

Life’s challenges are sometimes like trying to chew up an elephant. It’s so enormous that starting is always a problem. But somehow we start anyhow. I learnt early from a great man; W.F Kumuyi that rich people save before they spend while the poor will spend before saving. Ultimately poor people never get to save anything because, if you are from a country like Nigeria where you are your own “government”, you will not have anything left to save. So I always put aside some savings when I have a project to carry out. However from experience I have realized that even your savings cannot be enough. There is a Master Builder.

For [of course] every house is built and furnished by someone, but the Builder of all things and the Furnisher [of the entire equipment of all things] is God
(Hebrew 3:4 AMPC)

Once upon a time I had wanted to change my car to what we call “tear leather”a Nigeria parlance for brand new automobile instead of the fairly used Tokunbo cars we are used to. I spent over two years saving for it but I never could save 50% of what was required. As the savings grew, so also did the unforeseen challenges of life reared up from time to time until my 50% became 20% and my dream of owning a tear leather car was almost a mirage. However, just when I was about to give up, the Master Builder of all things showed up and arranged a brand new (tear leather) car for me (story for another day). He showed up, made a “mess” of my savings and replaced it with His favor. This was over a decade ago.

So this September, He showed up again and upturned a near embarrassing situation in a most miraculous way. He made a “mess” of all my efforts and replaced it with His favor. He had said to me earlier in the year that Five Loaves two fishes was more than enough…. That became my best song since the year evolved and the truth is that it became a reality in September.

So guys, I have said all of these to remind someone that no matter how tough or rough the road is, keep going because the Master Builder is at work and His time remains the best time. Play your part of building and furnishing and watch Him place the icing on the cake of your life. Remember that the darkest night always usher in a bright new morning.

If you survived Covid 19, Monkeypox, violence and insecurity of different dimensions, climate changes and many other challenges too numerous to list at a time like this, then be assured it’s not over until you win.

This October shall be yours to remember and many more.

Goodbye September.
Welcome October, another month to remember.

Guilty or not Guilty?

Staying on a diet requires discipline, self control and a great determination to fight the alluring temptations of sweet foods that keep staring at you.

Sometimes you break the rules and it feels like you have committed a grievous offense almost equal to robbery against yourself. This was just how I felt yesterday.

I woke up with a craving for yoghurt and fruit parfait. I fought it with shawarma and told myself it was just for one day. And then I was offered fried rice with a big chunk of tempting fried chicken for lunch. I couldn’t resist any longer

Guys, I fell… broke all the rules. By night I felt really guilty. I wished I had resisted just a little more. Unfortunately I added more unhealthy calories and felt so guilty.

This is the summary of stuffs we do to ourselves and often end up doing things we really wouldn’t want done.

Discipline and self control are virtues of great men. It works in all cases such as maintaining a diet, keeping fit, exercises, work ethics, dealing with habits and addictions. It takes a lot of determination to deal with unhealthy habits and ADDICTION IS WARFARE: HOW TO WIN

Not to worry though, life gives us opportunity to start again each day. So if you failed like me yesterday, and felt guilty about it, it’s the reason God made today and offers another opportunity to try again.

Failing in its self is not failure until you completely give up and refuse to try again.


Tribute to my colleague, my friend and my dearest sister

Bola Olumoh Alaya: Poised with grace

How do you ever learn to say a final goodbye to a loved one?
How is the best way to show how hurt you are?
Sometimes you groan, you cry, you weep tremble and moans.
Yet, everything seems inadequate to express your grief and pain.
The pain is stuck in your chest … almost choking, yet not going away

Often if you are like me, your bowels move like a case of diarrhea
And your frequency to the restroom to excrete and pee increases
You are tensed, your heart beats faster and then when the night comes
All you feel is emptiness and a deep wish to have spent more time together

All of these, I and many who loved you have felt in the last two days
You were my senior in the college, Queen Elizabeth Secondary School
Though I hardly knew you then
Then our path crossed again when you joined Afribank Nig Plc
Where we became colleagues and were divinely connected.

You were a seasoned banker, unassuming and very thorough
As a marketer and Head of Retail, you gave it all it took
Even though I knew the stress on your tender self
You kept at it, pursuing diligently and never giving up
I remember with nostalgia the many MPRs
The backlash when targets are not met

You were my office gist partner, when you returned from marketing
We would gist and talk about how tasking the target was
But we kept at it
Your simplicity and humility humbled me
You never looked down on anyone
Despite your privileged background, you had room for everyone.
You were a giver to the core and often empathize with junior colleagues

We had a great time as colleagues and it wasn’t long before you became my friend
We shared concerns together and your wisdom was unmatched
Then one day you dropped the bombshell,
You were leaving the bank.
Nothing we said mattered, your mind was made up.
I remember your exact word “okele gbigbe pelu Alafia…..”
You chose peace and serenity and opted for government work
With very much less pay.

It was a blow to me and others who loved you.
Why would you leave a better paying job?
I watched with mixed feelings as you exited the bank in style,
Like all you do, resplendently and gloriously you resigned to join the Kwara State Government
It was a courageous move, one we all thought was too much a sacrifice
But you thought differently; your reasons were apt and your humility made it acceptable
You left a vacuum in my heart and in the bank
For me, it began my own desire to exit as well

My Woman Crush Everyday (WCE),
You had class and you wore it gracefully
You were stylish, elegant, beautiful inside and out
You turned out often at our ceremonies,
Children graduation, birthdays, marriages, burials etc
You would attend with Nike Olumoh, your loving sister-in-love
Who is currently crushed by your exit.

My dear friend, my sister from anothether mother
So much to say about you, but words are just inadequate right now
My heart bleed, my thoughts about you cant go away
As I drove down to town for Janaza Prayer in your honour today,
All I kept whispering to myself was:
She’s Gone, She’s Gone, Just like that. Opari niyen
I still whisper it to myself even now; She’s Gone, Oti tan Just like that.

So today you were finally laid to rest
And like all you do, it was glorious and with great grandeur
Your gentle soul in life and in death finally back to your maker

Even in death you remain noble, graceful and stylish
The world stood still, Kwara stood still today as you were laid to rest
The greats and the small, the haves and the have-nots
The many lives you touched and impacted
Your colleagues, family and friends
Stood in awe, though with so much pain
Yet thanking God on your behalf
For a life of impact, influence and affluence

Adieu Sister, Adieu friend,
Adieu to a loving and caring mother, sister, wife and friends of many
Those we love, live endlessly in our hearts
Even though our hearts bleed now, we are comforted by your sweet memories
And the wonderful times we shared together
May all you left behind particularly your immediate family be truly comforted
And as for you:
May Almighty Allah accept your return
And grant you a most peaceful Aljanah (Amin)

Adieu my dearest friend, I love you greatly and wished I said it more often.


HOW NOT TO BE 95, @ 55.

“I can’t be growing old… Haba! I am only 55 not 95″

Did you ever get up from your couch in the sitting room, walked up into your bedroom to get an item and then suddenly find yourself lost in the center of your bedroom trying hard to remember what you actually came to pick?

Or maybe you are in the habit of searching everywhere for your reading glasses and after a lot of effort, you returned to pick the spare pair of glasses and as you mount it on your face you realized that you had your glasses on all the while?

Then the shocking one, you are in the bathroom, getting ready for a bath but you went out to answer a call or pick a new bath gel. You returned to the bathroom a few minutes later and as you picked your toothbrush, you are wondering if you hadn’t brush your teeth earlier.

Another shocking one is this;  you have just taken your doctor’s prescription, and then you suddenly felt that you had taken the drugs earlier and you are actually trying hard to remember if you did. Now, this one happened to me just yesterday. I had a doctor’s prescription to be taken once daily to clear an allergy. I usually take it with my meal, so yesterday after my lunch, I took the drug but just after I swallowed it, my sixth sense said to me “Omo (child) you have taken this drug before”.  I counted what was left and it was true. Wow, I said to myself “I can’t be growing old… Haba! I am only 55 not 95 and I am very young at heart”.

By the way, I was just 55 years “young” a few days ago, 17th June to be precise. And I remember my daughter saying; Mom, you are growing old and asking how I felt. I told her I am a spirit  and spirit do not age but only gets renewed and matured. How convenient to turn spiritual. Well, so at the Communion table yesterday night, I asked God to reverse my aging process by the Blood. I do need it.

Irrespective of your age, I bet you have experienced some of these or similar occurrence at one point in your life or maybe not? But I guess that as one grows older, you actually tend to forget very simple things. Please don’t tell me it’s amnesia otherwise over 50% of Nigerians are sick  especially our politicians and government officials who am sure are expert at forgetting stuff.  

So I asked Google what to do so as not to forget very simple things. Trust me I was not the only one talking to Google on this. The result from Google is a research for anyone interested. It ranges from simple things as having a to do list, setting alarms, repeating stuff to yourself, using calendar to schedule activities, exercising regularly, writing stuff down, keeping notepads around the house or office, good nutrition etc.  I agree that all of these plus prayers and maybe medical help will help one not to forget stuff. I however recommend in addition to these reading.

Our brain is like a storehouse and somehow not doing anything with it will get it rusted and old and that is when we actually grow old. So I am going to read some more and I encourage us all to do so. I also like those simply simple stuff that I am told will help the brain to be health. They are my favorites.

While, I know that my Jergens Age defying lotion ( I love Jergens) can only help my body and not my brain, here is a list of some stuff, I am told could help;

  1. Crossword puzzles,
  2. Dance some more
  3. Listening  to music,
  4. Learn a new skill
  5. S*x (relationship thing legitimately)
  6. Reduce sugar
  7. Video games
  8. Less TV
  9. Exercise
  10. Learn some new skill
  11. Swimming
  12. Singing

I intend to try a few of those stuff except number 5 (don’t tell my husband). In any case, I agree that age is set in our minds if you are determined you can be a Kardashian at 80 (just kidding). You are built actually to be better.


As an employee. Don’t wait until you are shown the door or pressured to exit. If it is not your own, then it’s not your own. The secret is always to start from where you are, doing what you know to do best and turning your passion to your job. Follow my Friday journal and let’s journey to freedom together. 👉👉👉

Is it just me or has “April Fool’s day” gone extinct?

I mean when I was much younger it was legitimate to tell a lie on April 1st and be forgiven. That was the only day you could prank your elders and get away with it. We looked forward to the day and actually would spend the night thinking of who to prank and what pranks to play. But everything seems too calm like April Fool is gone for good or could I have missed it?

So will it be Ok to say Happy April Fool’s day? Sounds awkward but I guess it is a happy day. One reason I can give for the unusual calmness is that with so many tik tok video pranks on the social media, the whole idea of April Fool has become underrated. For instance, I don’t need to wait till first of April anymore to pull a prank. This kind of kills the excitement associated with today in history.

Happy April Fool’s Day folks and welcome to April our most amazing month yet

What won’t a woman’s eye see?

A few days ago I had to travel to Ilorin in Kwara State from Lagos, Nigeria. Because of the unexpectedness of the journey and the challenge of aviation fuel coupled with frequency of flight cancellations, I opted to go by road. So I boarded a commercial car for a journey of about 4 hours. I was the first to arrive at the car park and by their law I get to sit at the front seat with the driver. I was happy to have the seat considering the distance and the heat.

Unknown to me the driver was not too happy to carry a lady on the front seat. Everything I did was wrong. If I moved my legs or adjusted the seat he would look at me from under his eyelids like I was some kind of mosquito or fly. I thought I was being over sensitive so I tried to make a conversation. At first, he pretended not to hear me.  I was not one to give up easily. So I kept pushing for conversation until he gave me the “eye” that meant keep quiet. Notwithstanding I needed to know what was wrong with this driver. By the way the guy was probably around 30 years or a little more but he was quite young and I guess if I had kids earlier, I could have had him (smiles).

We continued the journey peacefully for a while. Those who are familiar with the Lagos-Ibadan through Ogbomosho-Oyo road would know that driving on this part of the road in Nigeria goes beyond the driving skills acquired from driving schools and experience gathered over several years of driving. Guys, you need real guts to drive from Lagos through Ogbomosho- Oyo Road. It’s a story for another day.

Anyways, half way down the trip and traversing  in between the long queue of trailers, I noticed that almost all the other passengers in the car had slept and I was worried by the reckless driving of the driver. I cautioned him on this recklessness and gbam!, he exploded in native dialect and with a very derogatory tone “nkan ti mo fi so pe mi ole gbe obirin si waju moto mi ni yi o” Meaning; “this is why I said I would never carry a lady on the front seat of my car”. It got on my bad side and of course I responded badly. What on earth won’t women suffer? What has cautioning a driver against reckless driving got to do with me being a woman?

The above incident also reminded me of another one where I was badly treated simply because of my gender. As the Branch Manager in my banking days way back, a major and very prominent personality walked into the bank with a complaint. He wasn’t a customer of the bank but he was the chairman of an association that had an account in the bank. The account was abandoned and almost all the signatories had died and they needed access to the funds in the account. So because of his personality, he was brought to my office. Immediately I saw him, I rose up out of respect and courtesy to welcome him. But guess what? As soon as I was introduced to him as the Branch Manager, his countenance changed and he exclaimed “Ki leleyi? odo obinrin le mu mi wa” Meaning; “what is the meaning of this? You brought me to come and meet an ordinary woman?” Well all explanations by my staff that I was the Manager and most senior and they brought him to me out of respect for him, not wanting him to sit in the banking hall, blah blah blah.. fell on deaf ears. Well I assigned one young account officer to assist resolve his challenge and left them alone. What won’t women see?

Fortunately many of us learnt early to be unapologetically female and I have never really felt intimidated by outbursts of these kinds and trust me I have had severals working mostly among men. Sometimes I feel angry but more often I am amused and all I feel is outright pity at their levels of ignorance.

You probably are wondering where this conversation is going; not too far. I am not a feminist in the sense of feeling cheated or requiring emancipation but I just feel really sorry for our menfolk because sincerely from what is happening in the world today, they are and will be needing emancipation more than the women.

Today there are so many female CEOs, captains of great industries and leaders of organizations. Even when you attend a university or high school graduation ceremony, the ladies come out tops. Take a statistics of high performance in your organisation, you will be shocked to see that there are more females than males. And now to worsen the matter, professions that were previously exclusive reserve of the male folks are now being taken over by women.  If you check out these outstanding specie (women), you would discover that many of them had to do double whatever a man would do to get to the top and rather than getting credit for it all they get are derogatory comments from the insecure man.  

Well, I don’t intend to make this conversation long as I can not write all that is in my mind on this subject. But whether we like it or not, the new world is not about sex or gender. It is about what you have to offer irrespective of your gender. It is about excellence, efficiency and ability to deliver solutions to life’s problems. It’s not just equality, it is simply who ever the cap fits let her or him wear it without reservation. So like that my driver, if you don’t drive well and you end up in an accident, it wouldn’t matter if you had carried a woman or a man at the front seat of your car. This is life.