“I can’t be growing old… Haba! I am only 55 not 95″

Did you ever get up from your couch in the sitting room, walked up into your bedroom to get an item and then suddenly find yourself lost in the center of your bedroom trying hard to remember what you actually came to pick?

Or maybe you are in the habit of searching everywhere for your reading glasses and after a lot of effort, you returned to pick the spare pair of glasses and as you mount it on your face you realized that you had your glasses on all the while?

Then the shocking one, you are in the bathroom, getting ready for a bath but you went out to answer a call or pick a new bath gel. You returned to the bathroom a few minutes later and as you picked your toothbrush, you are wondering if you hadn’t brush your teeth earlier.

Another shocking one is this;  you have just taken your doctor’s prescription, and then you suddenly felt that you had taken the drugs earlier and you are actually trying hard to remember if you did. Now, this one happened to me just yesterday. I had a doctor’s prescription to be taken once daily to clear an allergy. I usually take it with my meal, so yesterday after my lunch, I took the drug but just after I swallowed it, my sixth sense said to me “Omo (child) you have taken this drug before”.  I counted what was left and it was true. Wow, I said to myself “I can’t be growing old… Haba! I am only 55 not 95 and I am very young at heart”.

By the way, I was just 55 years “young” a few days ago, 17^th June to be precise. And I remember my daughter saying; Mom, you are growing old and asking how I felt. I told her I am a spirit  and spirit do not age but only gets renewed and matured. How convenient to turn spiritual. Well, so at the Communion table yesterday night, I asked God to reverse my aging process by the Blood. I do need it.

Irrespective of your age, I bet you have experienced some of these or similar occurrence at one point in your life or maybe not? But I guess that as one grows older, you actually tend to forget very simple things. Please don’t tell me it’s amnesia otherwise over 50% of Nigerians are sick  especially our politicians and government officials who am sure are expert at forgetting stuff.  

So I asked Google what to do so as not to forget very simple things. Trust me I was not the only one talking to Google on this. The result from Google is a research for anyone interested. It ranges from simple things as having a to do list, setting alarms, repeating stuff to yourself, using calendar to schedule activities, exercising regularly, writing stuff down, keeping notepads around the house or office, good nutrition etc.  I agree that all of these plus prayers and maybe medical help will help one not to forget stuff. I however recommend in addition to these reading.

Our brain is like a storehouse and somehow not doing anything with it will get it rusted and old and that is when we actually grow old. So I am going to read some more and I encourage us all to do so. I also like those simply simple stuff that I am told will help the brain to be health. They are my favorites.

While, I know that my Jergens Age defying lotion ( I love Jergens) can only help my body and not my brain, here is a list of some stuff, I am told could help;

1. Crossword puzzles,
2. Dance some more
3. Listening  to music,
4. Learn a new skill
5. S*x (relationship thing legitimately)
6. Reduce sugar
7. Video games
8. Less TV
9. Exercise
10. Learn some new skill
11. Swimming
12. Singing

I intend to try a few of those stuff except number 5 (don’t tell my husband). In any case, I agree that age is set in our minds if you are determined you can be a Kardashian at 80 (just kidding). You are built actually to be better.

As an employee. Don’t wait until you are shown the door or pressured to exit. If it is not your own, then it’s not your own. The secret is always to start from where you are, doing what you know to do best and turning your passion to your job. Follow my Friday journal and let’s journey to freedom together. 👉👉👉

www.linkedin.com/posts/adenike-omolara-babajamu-a1745132_breakthebox-careerdevelopment-startfromwhereyouare-activity-6928273398984810496-P7Dk

I mean when I was much younger it was legitimate to tell a lie on April 1^st and be forgiven. That was the only day you could prank your elders and get away with it. We looked forward to the day and actually would spend the night thinking of who to prank and what pranks to play. But everything seems too calm like April Fool is gone for good or could I have missed it?

So will it be Ok to say Happy April Fool’s day? Sounds awkward but I guess it is a happy day. One reason I can give for the unusual calmness is that with so many tik tok video pranks on the social media, the whole idea of April Fool has become underrated. For instance, I don’t need to wait till first of April anymore to pull a prank. This kind of kills the excitement associated with today in history.

Happy April Fool’s Day folks and welcome to April our most amazing month yet

A few days ago I had to travel to Ilorin in Kwara State from Lagos, Nigeria. Because of the unexpectedness of the journey and the challenge of aviation fuel coupled with frequency of flight cancellations, I opted to go by road. So I boarded a commercial car for a journey of about 4 hours. I was the first to arrive at the car park and by their law I get to sit at the front seat with the driver. I was happy to have the seat considering the distance and the heat.

Unknown to me the driver was not too happy to carry a lady on the front seat. Everything I did was wrong. If I moved my legs or adjusted the seat he would look at me from under his eyelids like I was some kind of mosquito or fly. I thought I was being over sensitive so I tried to make a conversation. At first, he pretended not to hear me.  I was not one to give up easily. So I kept pushing for conversation until he gave me the “eye” that meant keep quiet. Notwithstanding I needed to know what was wrong with this driver. By the way the guy was probably around 30 years or a little more but he was quite young and I guess if I had kids earlier, I could have had him (smiles).

We continued the journey peacefully for a while. Those who are familiar with the Lagos-Ibadan through Ogbomosho-Oyo road would know that driving on this part of the road in Nigeria goes beyond the driving skills acquired from driving schools and experience gathered over several years of driving. Guys, you need real guts to drive from Lagos through Ogbomosho- Oyo Road. It’s a story for another day.

Anyways, half way down the trip and traversing  in between the long queue of trailers, I noticed that almost all the other passengers in the car had slept and I was worried by the reckless driving of the driver. I cautioned him on this recklessness and gbam!, he exploded in native dialect and with a very derogatory tone “nkan ti mo fi so pe mi ole gbe obirin si waju moto mi ni yi o” Meaning; “this is why I said I would never carry a lady on the front seat of my car”. It got on my bad side and of course I responded badly. What on earth won’t women suffer? What has cautioning a driver against reckless driving got to do with me being a woman?

The above incident also reminded me of another one where I was badly treated simply because of my gender. As the Branch Manager in my banking days way back, a major and very prominent personality walked into the bank with a complaint. He wasn’t a customer of the bank but he was the chairman of an association that had an account in the bank. The account was abandoned and almost all the signatories had died and they needed access to the funds in the account. So because of his personality, he was brought to my office. Immediately I saw him, I rose up out of respect and courtesy to welcome him. But guess what? As soon as I was introduced to him as the Branch Manager, his countenance changed and he exclaimed “Ki leleyi? odo obinrin le mu mi wa” Meaning; “what is the meaning of this? You brought me to come and meet an ordinary woman?” Well all explanations by my staff that I was the Manager and most senior and they brought him to me out of respect for him, not wanting him to sit in the banking hall, blah blah blah.. fell on deaf ears. Well I assigned one young account officer to assist resolve his challenge and left them alone. What won’t women see?

Fortunately many of us learnt early to be unapologetically female and I have never really felt intimidated by outbursts of these kinds and trust me I have had severals working mostly among men. Sometimes I feel angry but more often I am amused and all I feel is outright pity at their levels of ignorance.

You probably are wondering where this conversation is going; not too far. I am not a feminist in the sense of feeling cheated or requiring emancipation but I just feel really sorry for our menfolk because sincerely from what is happening in the world today, they are and will be needing emancipation more than the women.

Today there are so many female CEOs, captains of great industries and leaders of organizations. Even when you attend a university or high school graduation ceremony, the ladies come out tops. Take a statistics of high performance in your organisation, you will be shocked to see that there are more females than males. And now to worsen the matter, professions that were previously exclusive reserve of the male folks are now being taken over by women.  If you check out these outstanding specie (women), you would discover that many of them had to do double whatever a man would do to get to the top and rather than getting credit for it all they get are derogatory comments from the insecure man.  

Well, I don’t intend to make this conversation long as I can not write all that is in my mind on this subject. But whether we like it or not, the new world is not about sex or gender. It is about what you have to offer irrespective of your gender. It is about excellence, efficiency and ability to deliver solutions to life’s problems. It’s not just equality, it is simply who ever the cap fits let her or him wear it without reservation. So like that my driver, if you don’t drive well and you end up in an accident, it wouldn’t matter if you had carried a woman or a man at the front seat of your car. This is life.

#breakthebias

Love is in the air. It’s being like a buildup since after the new year celebration. But  really? As in seriously? Are you breathing in the love oxygen right now?

Trust me if it was not there yesterday, it won’t be here today. And if it is only here today, then tomorrow may still be empty and all of today’s valentine excitement may not just be  a fruitless effort, but one with grievous consequences such as a broken heart, unwanted pregnancies, anger, bitterness, frustration suicidal tendencies or in extreme cases, death.

So what must I do about this day?

Be all intentional about today. Be rational about your decisions. Love adventurously but intelligently and within your boundaries. Don’t kill yourself over today, it’s still 24 hours and almost over.

In my search for how to spend my valentine day, I consulted google and realized that there were others who had searched for the same thing and guess what I Found?

So guys how do you intend to spend your today? With friends, family, lover? However, you choose to, by all means be intentional and don’t cast down your pearls before swine for momentary pleasure. For the married and engaged, my subtle counsel is to spend it legitimately; not all adventures end like Cinderella’s.

I don’t know how I will spend mine but I sure woke up with so much excitement and without sounding overly religious I got my first valentine gift from the most reliable Lover and Valentine ever, Jesus. After a few minutes of worship, He said to me “Today I will take from you a heart of stone and will replace it with a heart of flesh that you may Love me all your life” I have never heard it like that so I meditated on it because God only speaks by His words. It must be somewhere and then it popped into my heart, It’s in Ezekiel 36:25-27

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.And ye shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; and ye shall be my people, and I will be your God.

Guys if your valentine has that kind of heart (fleshy not stony) he will give you the best of valentines today and not just for today but for every day of your life. May you find that valentine today and may your valentine 2022 celebration be your best ever and the beginning of greater valentines. Happy Valentine’s Day to all who read this. I love you.

PS: Shout-out to my friend and very own sister from another mother Bukola Omilabu (Nee Olaoye) whose birthday is today. Happy birthday girl, you are still in my heart as much as ever. I look forward to being a beautiful grandma as you.

And to my daughter Esther Simeon Anande-Kur. You are always in my heart babe. Happy Birthday from my soul to you. Our times together in Zaria, remain most memorable and your heavenly voice as you worship rings in my ear like yesterday.

And to Dr Muideen Akorede my runaway brother, a very happy birthday to you please come back home. We miss your trouble. You know I remember those little things you did that made me shine.

And to every other persons born on this great day. Happy birthday to you guys. For you it’s valentine no doubt.

And I got my very first Valentine alert from a very special person, my Son, Oluwadamilola. I love you son. You are my Hero today.

Even though we bade 2021 farewell in December and we all danced in the euphoria of the new year on the first of January, yet everything went blank and the world seemed to be on a pause as if reminiscing over the previous year or so it seemed.

January is that month where nearly everything seems to drag as if, not wanting the previous year to go, the month goes into mourning. It is ironic the year doesn’t really pick up until the end of January or early February long after we had wished ourselves “happy new year”.

Of course we had budget for the new year and secured approvals but many of such approvals including personal budgets are mere budget on paper with no cash back up.

The weather also added to the slumber of January with the icy harmattan here in Nigeria and winter across the many nations of the world. Yes, January is winter without Christmas, cold without festivities. We wake up feeling really cold and reluctantly drag out of bed into cold and dry days.

The excessive spending towards the end of last year, over-the-budget purchases for Christmas and New Year shopping in December had drained many people’s cash flow, put a deep hole in pockets  and made January like 62 days instead of the 31 days of the month. Pay day seemed like a million miles away

The lull in business generally made the month a very serious one in which nearly everyone became  humble. Yes, humility and gentility are the key characteristics of the month of January.

It is therefore not surprising that in more recent times people have resulted to fasting and praying more in January. This surely align with the humility of the month characterized by paucity of funds and the feeling of regrets over the excessive spending of Christmas. 

Many of the large churches in Nigeria declared corporate fasting ranging from 14 days to 21 days and even more in the month. The reason often given is spiritual. I agree with many people that to maximize the new year, a spiritual approach is of essence at the beginning. But I also know that fasting helps to reduce your expenses for the month.

So now that January is ended, it’s time to accelerate the momentum of the year 2022. There is no more tenable excuse to miss out on schedule, delay in project execution and pursuit of our year 2022 vision. Notwithstanding the seemly lull in activities in January, I can assure you that some very major events both positive and negative have taken place like the African Cup of Nations, coup in Burkina Faso and the unfortunate incident of a Lagos house wife (Motunrayo) who murdered her husband.

Those who will win this year are people who are ready to take personal responsibility for their lives. Stop the blame game and be in control of your life. Remember you are absolutely responsible for the outcome of your life. Be like water; channel your path notwithstanding any barrier on your way, by all means keep moving.

Be intentional about your life in all facets; at work, business, governance, home and community. Do not hand over the control of your life to anyone to determine your mood, your reaction and your general emotion.

Let’s go guys, time is of essence. The race has started, the clock is ticking. And in the words of Martin Luther king Junior; If you can’t fly, run. if you can’t run, walk. if you can’t walk,  crawl, but by all means, keep moving.

The 11^th December,  2021 has joined the many days to be much remembered for the unforgettable events that culminated in the eternal exit of a precious gem, an uncelebrated heroine, the very quintessential Bolakale.

Often we take so many things for granted including people and relationships. We deal with people in relationships like they will always be here at our becks and call. Unfortunately this is not always so.

Life in this last days, has taught me again to value relationships, love like never before, give more, forgive more, pay attention to family and listen much more beyond the voices. If only we had all listened to what Bolakale was not saying, we would have seen the pains behind the unsaid words and her unspoken discomfort. And maybe, just maybe she would probably have still be with us now. Unfortunately, life sometimes leaves us with “if only” “how I wished” “if I could” and many phrases of had I known. This I am determined not to let happen to me again.

Now, this is all about Bolakale Adefila, alias Mama Eko and my own Anti Bola (that’s what I call her). She was until her death my sister-in-law, a widow, a mother and a grandmother, a school proprietress, a diligent go-getter and a Christian. Anti Bola was an entrepreneur per excellence who could turn around the least capital at her disposal in very little time. She was a great manager of resources. By all standards, it is easy to describe her as a very successful personality but those who know her would attest that the cost of whatever she achieved was stupendous and priceless.

Bolakale was the matriarch of our family, the one who organizes things, resolve issues, monitor delivery of responsibilities, a contractor, a consultant on all family matters. She places family first and would show up at the least expected family events. Her commitment to family remained second to none. She was the formidable force that held the family together and selfishly at her death, my first question was who would fill up this vacuum? She cared for everyone and it’s only in death that I now realized how inadequately we cared for her. This of course was not a deliberate I-don’t-care-attitude, it bred from the fact that she never complained and even when her health began to deteriorate, she made it so insignificant that not much attention was paid to her failing health. Her optimism and positive approach to life went beyond incurable.

While she was down, all she thought about was other people and how they fared, the hospital expenses and how to meet her other obligations. Once while I was with her in the hospital, her worries was on how to pay her staff salary. What a selfless personality. She constantly mentioned that her siblings (she called them Omo Iye mi) had done enough and she didn’t have a right to demand more. How wrong she was. Family is everything and trust me, we can never do enough helping one another.  

It’s funny that in life there are people that you unconsciously think would be here forever so you keep postponing and procrastinating things you would wish to do for them as expressions of your love only to wake up  one morning to discover that they had gone and you never got around to do some of those stuff. That is what happened to my dear Anti Bola, AKA Mama Eko, Mama God’s Blessing. “I did not get to complete all I wished I could do for you and it saddened me. But I am sure you know how much I love you. Our conversation in the hospital the last Sunday before you left fills my heart constantly with melancholy. I wish I had hugged you some more and let you know how much loved you are”.

My daughter, Iyinoluwa hasn’t stopped calling your name since you left. You were my children’s closest paternal aunt and you didn’t hide your love from them. You had always been our first guest in every new year (January 1st) for as long as I can remember. You would arrive on the 1^st of January immediately after your church service and you had a gift for each person. Oh Anti Bola! my heart is bleeding…….. It’s  just a few days to another new year unfortunately you won’t be here. There will not be those bottles of groundnut, no plantain chips and juices that you often brought.

Mama Eko meaning Mother of Lagos (a state in Nigeria) was a name given to her when she relocated to Ilorin from Lagos after the death of her husband. And then she became Mama God’s Blessing; being the name of her Nursery & Primary School. To me she was that sister-in-law with so many personalities. There are few times that she played the sister-in-law role so well that I just relaxed in my corner but most other times, she is that sweet big sister, loving, kind and very caring. As I listened to people talk about you since your demise, I realized how much your life impacted your community and I am indeed proud to have known you.

Anti Bola was a giver to the core. She had little yet she emptied herself into lives of people, making sacrifices that only a super human could make. Little was much to her and she appreciated every little gift you give her. Anti Bola would never show up at your doorstep without a gift. Amusingly she appears not to come with anything but her handbag. However when she brings out the stuff in the bag, everyone would have a gift to himself or herself. I often thought of her bag as a bottomless one going by the items (such as bottled groundnut, juice, biscuits, fresh oranges, banana, and many others) that came out of the bag. She had little but gave so much of herself, so, so much that it is easy to conclude that her exit was more of a sacrifice of not being a burden to others. Oh Bolakale!

Anti Bola, my dear sister in love, I am comforted that you are in a better place. Your selfless life and love for humanity (not just family) is the legacy you have left for us. Your struggles are finally ended. Indeed you fought the good fight and now a crown awaits you in glory. I still haven’t gotten use to the fact that you are gone. I have not stopped calling your name since last saturday like you will reappear or like I would be awoken to discover it had all being a dream. I will keep your memory forever in my heart and that I will cherish all my days. You are indeed in a better place. Adieu to my Sister in love.

Adenike Babajamu (December 2021)