What won’t a woman’s eye see?

A few days ago I had to travel to Ilorin in Kwara State from Lagos, Nigeria. Because of the unexpectedness of the journey and the challenge of aviation fuel coupled with frequency of flight cancellations, I opted to go by road. So I boarded a commercial car for a journey of about 4 hours. I was the first to arrive at the car park and by their law I get to sit at the front seat with the driver. I was happy to have the seat considering the distance and the heat.

Unknown to me the driver was not too happy to carry a lady on the front seat. Everything I did was wrong. If I moved my legs or adjusted the seat he would look at me from under his eyelids like I was some kind of mosquito or fly. I thought I was being over sensitive so I tried to make a conversation. At first, he pretended not to hear me.  I was not one to give up easily. So I kept pushing for conversation until he gave me the “eye” that meant keep quiet. Notwithstanding I needed to know what was wrong with this driver. By the way the guy was probably around 30 years or a little more but he was quite young and I guess if I had kids earlier, I could have had him (smiles).

We continued the journey peacefully for a while. Those who are familiar with the Lagos-Ibadan through Ogbomosho-Oyo road would know that driving on this part of the road in Nigeria goes beyond the driving skills acquired from driving schools and experience gathered over several years of driving. Guys, you need real guts to drive from Lagos through Ogbomosho- Oyo Road. It’s a story for another day.

Anyways, half way down the trip and traversing  in between the long queue of trailers, I noticed that almost all the other passengers in the car had slept and I was worried by the reckless driving of the driver. I cautioned him on this recklessness and gbam!, he exploded in native dialect and with a very derogatory tone “nkan ti mo fi so pe mi ole gbe obirin si waju moto mi ni yi o” Meaning; “this is why I said I would never carry a lady on the front seat of my car”. It got on my bad side and of course I responded badly. What on earth won’t women suffer? What has cautioning a driver against reckless driving got to do with me being a woman?

The above incident also reminded me of another one where I was badly treated simply because of my gender. As the Branch Manager in my banking days way back, a major and very prominent personality walked into the bank with a complaint. He wasn’t a customer of the bank but he was the chairman of an association that had an account in the bank. The account was abandoned and almost all the signatories had died and they needed access to the funds in the account. So because of his personality, he was brought to my office. Immediately I saw him, I rose up out of respect and courtesy to welcome him. But guess what? As soon as I was introduced to him as the Branch Manager, his countenance changed and he exclaimed “Ki leleyi? odo obinrin le mu mi wa” Meaning; “what is the meaning of this? You brought me to come and meet an ordinary woman?” Well all explanations by my staff that I was the Manager and most senior and they brought him to me out of respect for him, not wanting him to sit in the banking hall, blah blah blah.. fell on deaf ears. Well I assigned one young account officer to assist resolve his challenge and left them alone. What won’t women see?

Fortunately many of us learnt early to be unapologetically female and I have never really felt intimidated by outbursts of these kinds and trust me I have had severals working mostly among men. Sometimes I feel angry but more often I am amused and all I feel is outright pity at their levels of ignorance.

You probably are wondering where this conversation is going; not too far. I am not a feminist in the sense of feeling cheated or requiring emancipation but I just feel really sorry for our menfolk because sincerely from what is happening in the world today, they are and will be needing emancipation more than the women.

Today there are so many female CEOs, captains of great industries and leaders of organizations. Even when you attend a university or high school graduation ceremony, the ladies come out tops. Take a statistics of high performance in your organisation, you will be shocked to see that there are more females than males. And now to worsen the matter, professions that were previously exclusive reserve of the male folks are now being taken over by women.  If you check out these outstanding specie (women), you would discover that many of them had to do double whatever a man would do to get to the top and rather than getting credit for it all they get are derogatory comments from the insecure man.  

Well, I don’t intend to make this conversation long as I can not write all that is in my mind on this subject. But whether we like it or not, the new world is not about sex or gender. It is about what you have to offer irrespective of your gender. It is about excellence, efficiency and ability to deliver solutions to life’s problems. It’s not just equality, it is simply who ever the cap fits let her or him wear it without reservation. So like that my driver, if you don’t drive well and you end up in an accident, it wouldn’t matter if you had carried a woman or a man at the front seat of your car. This is life.


Finding Valentine.

Love is in the air. It’s being like a buildup since after the new year celebration. But  really? As in seriously? Are you breathing in the love oxygen right now?

Trust me if it was not there yesterday, it won’t be here today. And if it is only here today, then tomorrow may still be empty and all of today’s valentine excitement may not just be  a fruitless effort, but one with grievous consequences such as a broken heart, unwanted pregnancies, anger, bitterness, frustration suicidal tendencies or in extreme cases, death.

So what must I do about this day?

Be all intentional about today. Be rational about your decisions. Love adventurously but intelligently and within your boundaries. Don’t kill yourself over today, it’s still 24 hours and almost over.

In my search for how to spend my valentine day, I consulted google and realized that there were others who had searched for the same thing and guess what I Found?

Google search

So guys how do you intend to spend your today? With friends, family, lover? However, you choose to, by all means be intentional and don’t cast down your pearls before swine for momentary pleasure. For the married and engaged, my subtle counsel is to spend it legitimately; not all adventures end like Cinderella’s.

I don’t know how I will spend mine but I sure woke up with so much excitement and without sounding overly religious I got my first valentine gift from the most reliable Lover and Valentine ever, Jesus. After a few minutes of worship, He said to me “Today I will take from you a heart of stone and will replace it with a heart of flesh that you may Love me all your life” I have never heard it like that so I meditated on it because God only speaks by His words. It must be somewhere and then it popped into my heart, It’s in Ezekiel 36:25-27

A new heart also will I give you, and a new spirit will I put within you: and I will take away the stony heart out of your flesh, and I will give you an heart of flesh. And I will put my spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes, and ye shall keep my judgments, and do them.And ye shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers; and ye shall be my people, and I will be your God.

Guys if your valentine has that kind of heart (fleshy not stony) he will give you the best of valentines today and not just for today but for every day of your life. May you find that valentine today and may your valentine 2022 celebration be your best ever and the beginning of greater valentines. Happy Valentine’s Day to all who read this. I love you.

PS: Shout-out to my friend and very own sister from another mother Bukola Omilabu (Nee Olaoye) whose birthday is today. Happy birthday girl, you are still in my heart as much as ever. I look forward to being a beautiful grandma as you.

Bukola Omilabu

And to my daughter Esther Simeon Anande-Kur. You are always in my heart babe. Happy Birthday from my soul to you. Our times together in Zaria, remain most memorable and your heavenly voice as you worship rings in my ear like yesterday.

Esther Simeon Anande-Kur

And to Dr Muideen Akorede my runaway brother, a very happy birthday to you please come back home. We miss your trouble. You know I remember those little things you did that made me shine.

This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is screen-shot-2022-02-14-at-8.28.51-am.png
Muideen Akorede (PhD)

And to every other persons born on this great day. Happy birthday to you guys. For you it’s valentine no doubt.

And I got my very first Valentine alert from a very special person, my Son, Oluwadamilola. I love you son. You are my Hero today.

Oluwadamilola, my hero.


Even though we bade 2021 farewell in December and we all danced in the euphoria of the new year on the first of January, yet everything went blank and the world seemed to be on a pause as if reminiscing over the previous year or so it seemed.

January is that month where nearly everything seems to drag as if, not wanting the previous year to go, the month goes into mourning. It is ironic the year doesn’t really pick up until the end of January or early February long after we had wished ourselves “happy new year”.

Of course we had budget for the new year and secured approvals but many of such approvals including personal budgets are mere budget on paper with no cash back up.

The weather also added to the slumber of January with the icy harmattan here in Nigeria and winter across the many nations of the world. Yes, January is winter without Christmas, cold without festivities. We wake up feeling really cold and reluctantly drag out of bed into cold and dry days.

The excessive spending towards the end of last year, over-the-budget purchases for Christmas and New Year shopping in December had drained many people’s cash flow, put a deep hole in pockets  and made January like 62 days instead of the 31 days of the month. Pay day seemed like a million miles away

The lull in business generally made the month a very serious one in which nearly everyone became  humble. Yes, humility and gentility are the key characteristics of the month of January.

It is therefore not surprising that in more recent times people have resulted to fasting and praying more in January. This surely align with the humility of the month characterized by paucity of funds and the feeling of regrets over the excessive spending of Christmas. 

Many of the large churches in Nigeria declared corporate fasting ranging from 14 days to 21 days and even more in the month. The reason often given is spiritual. I agree with many people that to maximize the new year, a spiritual approach is of essence at the beginning. But I also know that fasting helps to reduce your expenses for the month.

So now that January is ended, it’s time to accelerate the momentum of the year 2022. There is no more tenable excuse to miss out on schedule, delay in project execution and pursuit of our year 2022 vision. Notwithstanding the seemly lull in activities in January, I can assure you that some very major events both positive and negative have taken place like the African Cup of Nations, coup in Burkina Faso and the unfortunate incident of a Lagos house wife (Motunrayo) who murdered her husband.

Those who will win this year are people who are ready to take personal responsibility for their lives. Stop the blame game and be in control of your life. Remember you are absolutely responsible for the outcome of your life. Be like water; channel your path notwithstanding any barrier on your way, by all means keep moving.

Be intentional about your life in all facets; at work, business, governance, home and community. Do not hand over the control of your life to anyone to determine your mood, your reaction and your general emotion.

Let’s go guys, time is of essence. The race has started, the clock is ticking. And in the words of Martin Luther king Junior; If you can’t fly, run. if you can’t run, walk. if you can’t walk,  crawl, but by all means, keep moving.

On your marks…. Set … Go: Adventure 2022

Happy new year guys. Hope you had a lovely holiday? I welcome you to this amazing year that I have tagged Adventure 2022. By now you must have reset and are back to your default mode ready for a takeoff. Or are you still undecided on new year resolutions?

Guess what? You may not be the only one especially when you review your last year resolutions and see how little you were able to accomplish.

The truth is that we take life too seriously and in the process miss out of the fun of living. This is the reason why we punish ourselves for failing. This year, I have resolved to make it an adventure and enjoy each moment.

Does this mean I do not have resolutions? No! It means I am not going to be over ambitious in setting my targets. It also means that while I am willing to push a little harder, I am determined to enjoy every moment and be very realistic in setting my goals. If for instance my target was to read six books monthly last year and I only succeeded in reading 3, I am not going to increase to 10. I will probably go back to 4 or 5 books monthly.

What I am offering is that we should be very intentional about our resolutions and stop building castles in the air. Let us be content with taking baby steps and grow them into giant strides with great joy. While it is important to set SMART resolutions, we must be careful not to be overzealous. This way, we would not end up by June, 2022 with an unachievable goal that would be ultimately jettisoned for “no plan” or a free style that gets one to nowhere by December, 2022 .

So get set guys for year 2022 adventure. Don’t be afraid if you are not audacious enough. Be content with your baby steps and watch how they grow into giant strides. My mum always says, “the sky is wide enough”. You are your competition and not anyone else. When you beat your previous record then you are set to win.

Here are a few steps you can take to advance in this adventurous year; start a blog, go back to school, get online certification, learn a new skill, get a side hustle, travel, get out of your comfort zone, change your job if you are not happy, get vaccinated and stop living in fear, improve your life by introducing technology, start healthy relationship and don’t be afraid to quit unhealthy ones. Oh yes, get married or better still have a baby if you so desire. You have procrastinated enough. It is time to go for it.

Do something different and differently too. Don’t be afraid to fail. Try again and again until failure is ashamed to be around you. So guys, are you ready for the adventure? Set Goooooo……. Cheers to adventure 2022.

Connect with Burden Bearer


Life’s burdens are often too heavy. Questions about what to eat, what to wear, house rents, mortgages, sicknesses and diseases, challenges of every kind, financial distresses are a few of the issues we wake up with daily. Trust me the list is endless, but the joy is in knowing that there is One who can take all of these over and replace it with an endless peace. Join me as I cast my burden on Jesus today as He sustains me.

Going… going… 2021, another remarkable year is over.

In a few days, the year 2021 will give way for year 2022. You will agree that it has been indeed a remarkable year. While we thought the worst was over in 2020, we did not bargain for the Covid 19 Omicron variant that has claimed several lives in this last quarter.

Notwithstanding, it is Ok to celebrate Christmas and be hopeful for a very prosperous new year. Thank you for being part of my story in the year 2021. May the new year be our best ever in Jesus name. Amen


The 11th December,  2021 has joined the many days to be much remembered for the unforgettable events that culminated in the eternal exit of a precious gem, an uncelebrated heroine, the very quintessential Bolakale.

Often we take so many things for granted including people and relationships. We deal with people in relationships like they will always be here at our becks and call. Unfortunately this is not always so.

Life in this last days, has taught me again to value relationships, love like never before, give more, forgive more, pay attention to family and listen much more beyond the voices. If only we had all listened to what Bolakale was not saying, we would have seen the pains behind the unsaid words and her unspoken discomfort. And maybe, just maybe she would probably have still be with us now. Unfortunately, life sometimes leaves us with “if only” “how I wished” “if I could” and many phrases of had I known. This I am determined not to let happen to me again.


Now, this is all about Bolakale Adefila, alias Mama Eko and my own Anti Bola (that’s what I call her). She was until her death my sister-in-law, a widow, a mother and a grandmother, a school proprietress, a diligent go-getter and a Christian. Anti Bola was an entrepreneur per excellence who could turn around the least capital at her disposal in very little time. She was a great manager of resources. By all standards, it is easy to describe her as a very successful personality but those who know her would attest that the cost of whatever she achieved was stupendous and priceless.

Bolakale was the matriarch of our family, the one who organizes things, resolve issues, monitor delivery of responsibilities, a contractor, a consultant on all family matters. She places family first and would show up at the least expected family events. Her commitment to family remained second to none. She was the formidable force that held the family together and selfishly at her death, my first question was who would fill up this vacuum? She cared for everyone and it’s only in death that I now realized how inadequately we cared for her. This of course was not a deliberate I-don’t-care-attitude, it bred from the fact that she never complained and even when her health began to deteriorate, she made it so insignificant that not much attention was paid to her failing health. Her optimism and positive approach to life went beyond incurable.

While she was down, all she thought about was other people and how they fared, the hospital expenses and how to meet her other obligations. Once while I was with her in the hospital, her worries was on how to pay her staff salary. What a selfless personality. She constantly mentioned that her siblings (she called them Omo Iye mi) had done enough and she didn’t have a right to demand more. How wrong she was. Family is everything and trust me, we can never do enough helping one another.  

It’s funny that in life there are people that you unconsciously think would be here forever so you keep postponing and procrastinating things you would wish to do for them as expressions of your love only to wake up  one morning to discover that they had gone and you never got around to do some of those stuff. That is what happened to my dear Anti Bola, AKA Mama Eko, Mama God’s Blessing. “I did not get to complete all I wished I could do for you and it saddened me. But I am sure you know how much I love you. Our conversation in the hospital the last Sunday before you left fills my heart constantly with melancholy. I wish I had hugged you some more and let you know how much loved you are”.

My daughter, Iyinoluwa hasn’t stopped calling your name since you left. You were my children’s closest paternal aunt and you didn’t hide your love from them. You had always been our first guest in every new year (January 1st) for as long as I can remember. You would arrive on the 1st of January immediately after your church service and you had a gift for each person. Oh Anti Bola! my heart is bleeding…….. It’s  just a few days to another new year unfortunately you won’t be here. There will not be those bottles of groundnut, no plantain chips and juices that you often brought.

Mama Eko meaning Mother of Lagos (a state in Nigeria) was a name given to her when she relocated to Ilorin from Lagos after the death of her husband. And then she became Mama God’s Blessing; being the name of her Nursery & Primary School. To me she was that sister-in-law with so many personalities. There are few times that she played the sister-in-law role so well that I just relaxed in my corner but most other times, she is that sweet big sister, loving, kind and very caring. As I listened to people talk about you since your demise, I realized how much your life impacted your community and I am indeed proud to have known you.

Anti Bola was a giver to the core. She had little yet she emptied herself into lives of people, making sacrifices that only a super human could make. Little was much to her and she appreciated every little gift you give her. Anti Bola would never show up at your doorstep without a gift. Amusingly she appears not to come with anything but her handbag. However when she brings out the stuff in the bag, everyone would have a gift to himself or herself. I often thought of her bag as a bottomless one going by the items (such as bottled groundnut, juice, biscuits, fresh oranges, banana, and many others) that came out of the bag. She had little but gave so much of herself, so, so much that it is easy to conclude that her exit was more of a sacrifice of not being a burden to others. Oh Bolakale!

Anti Bola, my dear sister in love, I am comforted that you are in a better place. Your selfless life and love for humanity (not just family) is the legacy you have left for us. Your struggles are finally ended. Indeed you fought the good fight and now a crown awaits you in glory. I still haven’t gotten use to the fact that you are gone. I have not stopped calling your name since last saturday like you will reappear or like I would be awoken to discover it had all being a dream. I will keep your memory forever in my heart and that I will cherish all my days. You are indeed in a better place. Adieu to my Sister in love.

Adenike Babajamu (December 2021)


Yippee!!! My best season is here. I doubt if I will ever stop being excited about December. This wild excitement I have about December is one that I have had from as far back as I knew myself and even as I grew into middle age until now, December has not stopped being an amazement to me.

December being the twelfth and the last month of the year in the Julian and Gregorian calendars is also the last of seven months to have a length of 31 days. It is a month loaded with exciting activities across the nations of the world. It’s a month that cannot be ignored.

I guess there are so many things to be excited about this last month of the year; It always announces the end of an era and ushers us into a brand new beginning. December gives one this psychological feeling of freedom from all the hassles of the year and climaxes into a brand new beginning that birth hopes, opportunities and optimism.

The height of my excitement is the eve of Christmas. And I always wished I could keep that moment static and bask in the euphoria of the birth of our Lord Jesus. Many have argued that the date may not be accurate, but I am sure if another date was fixed for His birth, the impact would be the same.

Man is essentially a spiritual being. So, I naturally reconnect with my creator through retreats and spiritual engagements in December. It is an opportunity to thank God for making it to the end of the year. Trust me, not many people did. I have a long list of people; great men and women that passed on in the year. May they their memories remain in our hearts forever. There is therefore no better time to let God know how grateful we are to be here.

One of my major retreats schedule for December is the attendance of the annual Shiloh Convention organised by the Living Faith Church Worldwide. It is often a life transforming events with real live testimonies of God’s faithfulness and encounter with God through His word. My encounters since 1999 when i began attending are too numerous to share here. I hope to do that someday. But please be my guest for the 2021 edition titled ” More than a Conqueror” It starts on the 7th December 2021 and can be watched online. Check their website for details. https://faithtabernacle.org.ng/

There are other series of worship and musical concerts that keep me busy at Christmas. With technology, you have access to nearly all of these activities online. I am particularly excited by “The Experience”; an annual night of all worship through songs and special ministrations. “The Experience” features international gospel Artistes including Travis Greene, Maverick Choir, Sinach and many others. #TheExperience2021. #TE16G · #TheExperience2021

Beyond the festivities and celebration, December is also that time of the year when i prepare my Personal Development Plan. Read. https://glitter-s.com/2020/11/16/year-2020-in-perspective-a-review-of-my-personal-development-plan-pdp/ And this year, i have decided to share a part of my 2022 PDP with you again.

One of my desires every year is to complete the study of the Bible and indeed it is one PDP that I have always scored a 100%. This is because I usually draw out a schedule by the end of the year. I breakdown the bible into daily reading portions using different strategies as helped by the Holy Spirit. However, for year 2022, I trust God to help me do something different; I would be doing a chronological study of the bible and intend to do the New Testament twice and the Old Testament once.

I will be glad to have you do this with me. There are 1189 chapters in the bible. If you are doing the bible in one year, you would read less than 4 chapters a day. I believe God for grace that together with you, by December, 2022 we shall review our experiences together.

Now the best way to study the bible is not just by reading through like a novel. You can try the following:

  1. Create a time daily for study and meditation and stick to it. (the early hours of the day work well for me)
  2. Pray before you begin reading. Ask God to open your eyes and your heart of understanding by the help of the Holy Spirit.
  3. Always have a jotter and a pen when studying.
  4. Underline the striking points and note them in your jotter as you are inspired.
  5. Identify instructions and commandments that you must adhered to as shown to you in your study.
  6. Identify examples and learn from both good and bad deeds.
  7. Identify God’s promises, covenant and terms in your daily study.
  8. Examine yourself to see that you fulfill relevant instructions and terms of the covenants.
  9. Take a decision on required steps daily.
  10. Meditate all day on the key scripture. Note that you do not need to memorize scriptures as you meditate daily it just sticks.
  11. Don’t stop even if you miss out on any day. Make up for it the following day.

So guys let’s go study and make our 2022 an amazing time of fellowship with God. See you by His grace by December 2022 in Jesus name, Amen.

Adenike Babajamu (December 2021)


I had been sitting in the café for over one hour just sipping my tea and eavesdropping on a conversation between my friend’s husband, David (not his real name) and two other men who apparently were his friends. Their conversation was centered on how much their families; wives and children meant to them. I listened in amazement as David painted the picture of a shared love in his home. He expressed his affection for his wife, Grace and the sacrifices he would be willing to make for her and the children and all sweet blah blah blah…

The conversation was very strange because my friend, Grace (not her real name)  had confided in me about how unhappy she was in her marriage. I had at several times counselled her on patience and the need to give her husband time.

What were her complaints? “David does not love me” she says frequently and each time I asked her how she knew this, she goes; “He hardly talks to me, does not remember my birthdays and when he does, there are no gifts, no anniversary presents, no valentine gifts, nothing special that I can point to as a gift from my husband. And then he does not appreciate anything I do, fails to help in the house and hardly notices nor care when my health is challenged. He hardly observe changes in my appearance even when I had my face made up and fingernails fixed, he barely noticed”. The list was endless and my conclusion always; my friend was a very unhappy wife. So you can imagine my amazement to hear her husband declare his love for his wife publicly. How ironic?

The story of Grace is not peculiar, it is actually that of many married women here in Nigeria. From an informal  survey among working class married women, some of which are my friends and colleagues, I gathered that most women feel unloved and are just enduring what they described as a loveless marriage. Many agreed to have transferred their love to their children and their career. A few of them admitted that they felt loved by their spouses but also added that it could be lot better.

What on earth could be wrong with our men? They spend years or months of efforts, waiting and impressing a lady only to bring her home, get her to change her name, mother their children  and simply forget about her. It is true that many of them claim they love their wives and even boast about how resourceful, beautiful and supportive she is. They could sing about it to all who cares to know but not to the only one person that needs to know.

I once asked a male colleague why in his opinion would a woman feel unloved by her husband and he responded with another question; “what exactly do women want?” This response simplified the whole essence of a loveless marriage to mean that either wives are asking for too much or husbands are ignorant of the needs of their wives.

 So what do women or specifically wives want as proofs of love from their husbands? In very simple words, the answer is love, love and more love.

Love has expressions and no man can pretend not to know. This is because the expressions of love was what secured the wife in the first place. But how ironic, that suddenly after marriage, dear husband (former lover boy) is now confused and does not know what to do. The wooing of a woman is a lifelong Ministry that no man should retire from.

 In a quest for proofs of love I consulted the bible and google (I actually asked google for proofs of love) and trust me, the list is endless.  So if I miss out any, kindly send your contributions.

Dear Husbands, in the words of Mother Theresa “go home and love your family” and your family starts with your wife.

  1. Tell her you love her daily. Mean it and look into her eyes when you say it
  2. Spend quality time with her. Stop running from home only to return at midnight when everyone has gone to bed.
  3. Take her out on dates as you used to do. All these other dates that you keep outside will wear you out.
  4. Hug, be tender to her even as you go through the day. Stop being the lion of the tribe of your home. Calm down.
  5. Biblically, God love and gave His Son, a major proof of love is giving. Dear husband when was the last time you gave anything to your wife? How often do you give? All these no birthday present, no anniversary gift, no valentine gift, even mother’s day gift must change. It doesn’t have to be expensive.
  6. Be patient and kind.
  7. Be protective. Are you protective of your wife? When she has crisis or  challenges who does she call first? If it is not you, then it simply means you have failed in love.
  8. Show your partner that you desire her
  9. Trust her and stop sniffing
  10. Do something spontaneous with your partner (Join her in the bathroom)
  11. Pay special compliments. Tell her how good she looks after a hairdo.
  12. Be the first to notice a change in her whether positive or negative.
  13. Stop calling her “Mama Bose” . Haba! what would you call her mum
  14. Put her in first place (after God).
  15. Surprise her with little things. Come home with surprises.
  16. Show concerns on bad days (in sickness, work pressure)
  17. Take a walk together. Workout together where possible. Stop all these “be going, I will catch up with you”. Are you ashamed of your wife?
  18. Pray together.
  19. Visit family and friends together.
  20. Take a vacation together. It could be to the village.

These are just a few of the long lists of expressions of love that can restore a lasting peace into marriages. I encourage every husbands to review and make them a lifestyle. Trust me, it will be a seed that will bring a profitable harvest to the family as a whole. So Dear Husband, please go home and love your wife. It has a ripple effect that  will ultimately change the world. So let me end again with the quote of Mother Teresa “IF YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE WORLD, GO HOME AND LOVE YOUR FAMILY.” That’s where the world begins

Send your comments to denikyjay@gmail.com

You are absolutely responsible for your choices

Our Choices in life are personal and everyone is absolutely responsible for the outcome of his/her life.

My mother who is 81 called me on my mobile phone on October 1, 2021 to inform me that she had just taken the second Jab of her Covid 19 Vaccine and that she was fine.  This may seem like a normal occurrence but to me it isn’t and there is a story behind it.

When the first batch of vaccines came to Nigeria, my mum was the first member of the family who showed interest. She consulted the children and we all discouraged her. In fact I led the team that opposed vehemently wondering why an eighty year old woman should be afraid of Covid 19 in Africa where the average mortality age is about fifty. And so she didn’t go for the vaccine. So when the second batch came, without any consultation she went ahead for both doses and only called to notify me and her other children.  She took the decision and was ready for the consequences of her action. This is very significant to me. What is the lesson? She showed to me again that in life, major decisions (nearly all) are personal responsibilities particularly as adults.

Yes, there might be inputs informs of suggestions, shared experiences, counsel, advice or even threats, the final decision is often a personal one. You are absolutely responsible for the decisions you take and the outcomes. Let no one therefore pass the blame of the consequences of a decision on a third party.

We have at several times handed over key decisions of our lives to people who have no business deciding for us and the consequences are always very grievous. Imagine being directed in traffic by a novice who keeps waving his hands asking you to reverse your car and that the road was clear. The moment you hit the wall or there is an accident, he  disappears. You cannot blame him for the accident.

It is time to examine our choices and ascertain if they were genuinely ours or those of  friends, family members, leaders or even mentors. While it is true that we need all of these people in our lives to counsel, guide or advise, life’s choices are our personal responsibility.

This important subject of personal responsibility must be taught early to our children. It begins with the choice of friends, books to read, programs to watch, site to visit on the internet and many others. As parents all we can do is point them to possible outcomes of a choice, the final decision is the child’s. It’s a case of forcing a horse to the river but not being able to force it to drink water.

Time to wise up and stop leaving major decisions of your life to those who have no business in it.

Light at last